A Smile: Our secret weapon

Five moments when a bright face makes a brighter home

Homemaking can sometimes feel like a daunting job. It involves lots of different tasks that call for different skills. And that’s not a bad thing! The variety of things to learn about homemaking inspired me to launch this blog. But sometimes, homemaking is about tiny, basic habits. Here’s one that I’d like to explore: the power of a smile.

Why smile?

But a smile isn’t always automatic, even when we feel happy. I once heard a music teacher recall how she once was listening to a live symphony orchestra play a beautiful piece. She felt uplifted and joyful while listening to the music. Suddenly she happened to catch her own reflection in a nearby mirror. To her astonishment, her face looked completely bored. Without realizing it, she was giving the exact opposite impression that she intended.

Sometimes, it takes effort to smile, but the result is worth it. Research shows that the physical act of smiling releases hormones that help us feel happier, reduce stress, and even mediate pain. And as the old saying goes, smiles are contagious. The more we wear a smile, the more likely we are to spread positivity to those around us.

At home, this is key: a happy homemaker makes a happier home. Here are five times during the day when a smile might come in handy.

When you wake up

Hearing the alarm go off in the morning can feel like the last thing that will make us smile. But that first moment is a crucial one for setting the tone for the day. In this video, psychiatrist Dr. Kevin Majeres discusses the psychological benefits of getting out of bed right away. By not shrinking away from the day, we’re more likely to develop a healthy morning routine, see the day as an opportunity, and adopt a growth mindset when facing challenges.

In other words, the more we make a conscious effort to seize the day with vigor and joy, the more likely we will actually feel positive and start the day on a good note.

Starting off with a smile is also a wonderful morning gift for others at home. How can anyone walk into the kitchen, receive a warm smile and gentle, “Good morning,” and not feel loved?

The idea here is not to launch the day with fireworks and overly enthusiastic zip. Rather, we aim to help everyone ease into the day by starting the trend ourselves.

When doing a routine chore

This video from Dooley’s “Simple Joy With Ann” captures the message: a little effort to fold a shirt is not about being a neat-freak but about spreading love.

By smiling, we trigger a positive mental and emotional approach to chores. It’s not so much a burden forced upon me but a task I’ve taken up freely as a way to support and love others. That perspective can enhance our sense of dignity as homemakers. Suddenly, the routine isn’t so routine!

When the unexpected happens

What about the not-so-welcome surprises? Well, any day can come with just as many small contradictions as small pleasantries, but responding with a sense of humor helps maintain the atmosphere of joy and gratitude at home. This is not to say that we should ignore or suppress the natural frustration that bubbles up in the moment. A toddler dumps a box of cereal all over the kitchen floor. You finally make it to the car only to realize that you left the keys on the kitchen counter. Someone left dirty dishes in the sink for the tenth time. These pinpricks do prick, but in each moment, we still have a choice: whether to let that contradiction conquer us or to conquer it with our attitude.

How can we do this? What helps me is to first acknowledge the feeling of frustration, take a breath, put it all in perspective (it’s usually not that big of a deal), and then put on a smile and try to find a reason to be grateful or laugh at the situation. And if all else fails, I can always see that tough moment as a chance to grow in patience and offer it as a small prayer for someone who needs it.

As many of us know, the best things in life cost something, so when we experience challenges in life (big or small) that cost us, it makes the loving response all the more valuable. To top it all off, our determination to choose love and joy sets a brilliant example for our family and friends and might help them face their own challenges.

When welcoming people back home

After a long day taking care of home (especially if we haven’t had much conversation with others), it can be easy to air grievances and frustrations when we reunite with the rest of the family. But this tendency can easily backfire by spreading more bitterness than relief. 

In his book For Better or Best, family counselor Dr. Gary Smalley encourages women to greet their husbands with affection as a way to capture their attention. The following quote sums up his point:

Ninety-three percent of our communication is nonverbal. Your husband can be attracted or repelled most often, then, by your nonverbal behavior. … Whenever you see him, you’ve got to “light up ” with enthusiasm, especially in your facial expressions and tone of voice. That light comes from the inner knowledge that he’s valuable. [My wife] Norma shows that sparkle when I meet her for lunch several times a week, and consequently, I want to spend time talking to her and listening to her.

Dr. Gary Smalley, For Better or for Best: A Valuable Guide to Knowing, Understanding, and Loving your Husband

By greeting others with a smile, a compliment, and a question about their day, we set everyone at ease and can transition into recharge time at home together. And if there is a genuine issue to address, our patience is usually rewarded. Setting the peaceful scene first makes it easier to discuss problems or worries with loved ones later in the day, once we’ve all had a chance to breathe. 

When you say goodnight

Even this simple act can be truly heroic! We often get to the end of the day tired and maybe a little disappointed that we didn’t accomplish everything we wanted to. A smile in this moment is not about denying those feelings, which can and should be sorted through later with a good friend, spouse, or mentor. But in that moment when people are looking to us for much-needed care, a smile is a great gift of love that underneath our exhaustion, we really do want to give. And after a good night’s sleep (which we need, so don’t neglect it!), we’re more likely to feel refreshed the following morning to continue the noble and essential task of creating a warm and loving home.