A little effort shows a lot of love
Every year on Christmas, my grandparents arrive at my parents’ house dressed like movie stars.
My Cuban Abuela always has a sparkling pair of earrings and a fresh hairdo, and Abuelo wears a tie and a dash of cologne. As soon as they walk in the door, before anyone says hello, we feel their affection and enthusiasm. From head to toe, their appearance tells us, “I love you, and I’m so happy to be here!”
But it’s not just on Christmas. Abuelo and Abuela look polished every time they come over to visit. They make a particular display on holidays, but their outfits are always intentional compositions.
Sending a message of care
As I aspire to imitate my grandparents’ habit, I realize it isn’t always as easy as they make it look. And of course, a retired couple has more time on their hands than most of us do. Still, it remains true that whenever I meet someone who clearly took some time to arrange her look — a touch of makeup, a colorful sweater, or even a simple hair twist — I immediately get the impression that she respects herself and those around her.
There’s a lot of conventional wisdom out there about how dressing well can build self-confidence and even improve mental health. That is true, and we each owe ourselves kindness and respect.
What we might not hear as often is that putting effort into our appearance is also a gift to others. Applying makeup and doing hair not only makes me feel polished, but it also tells everyone I meet, “I care about you and why we’re here.”
Worth the effort
Sometimes, we feel the need to put ourselves on the back burner, and dressing well falls very low on the totem pole of priorities. We rush through the morning getting kids ready for school and put off showering. We hasten to tidy the house for guests and don’t make time to change into a nice outfit. We fall behind at work and race to the office without putting on makeup.
These are all important responsibilities, and we should give them attention. But by neglecting ourselves in the process, we could be doing a disservice to those around us.
In this clip from the TLC show “What Not to Wear,” a candidate admits that she often forgets to change outfits before a date with her husband. She recalls how she used to dress up and have more romantic outings with him, but over time, housework consumed her schedule and her wardrobe. Hosts Stacy and Clinton react with natural frustration, noting that she’s depriving herself and her husband by letting herself go.
The point is not to stop focusing on children, guests, or work. It is to remember that our appearance matters too — not because it’s selfish, but on the contrary, because it is a way to show others that they’re worth dressing up for. Through that gesture, we’re making an unspoken effort to nourish our relationships.
The motivation to look polished might come more naturally for special occasions. We all know not to show up to a wedding reception wearing jeans or to a first date with uncombed hair. But even on ordinary days, our appearance still sends a message to those around us. We don’t stop caring for our family members, friends, or coworkers when it’s not someone’s birthday or anniversary, so why not put in a little effort each day to show we care?
A little lipstick
This doesn’t mean wearing our best dress and curling our hair every day. When it comes to expressing our appreciation, a little bit goes a long way. Putting on lipstick before family dinner or wearing a stylish sweater instead of a t-shirt when meeting a friend are small ways of showing affection through effort. We might have to get up a few minutes earlier or cut short our TV time, but if it helps us and others smile, it’s time well spent.
We don’t have to sacrifice comfort for style, either. As a pregnant mom with a toddler, I’ve found simple polyester dresses, comfortable ballet flats, and durable yet sleek Oxfords to be lifesavers. Having a collection of clothes that suits our daily duties while also complementing our body type and color palette ensures that we’ll both look and feel presentable. And when we do that, it’s a gift to ourselves and everyone we encounter — without saying a word!
If this all still doesn’t sound convincing, just try for one day to add a detail of polish into your appearance — a little lipstick, a sweater dress instead of a sweatshirt, a pair of booties instead of sneakers — and see how others react. From my own experience, whenever I or my friends have done this, our husbands almost always offer a compliment!
The goal in dressing well is not (nor should it be) to fish for compliments or admiring looks. If that’s the case, then vanity is all we’ll get, which is neither a gift to others nor healthy for ourselves. Rather, the goal is to brighten others’ day and show we care. And that’s a gift worth giving.
