A little request can go a long way.
Happy New Year! I took a hiatus for three big reasons: 1) to finish a complete draft of the fantasy novel I’ve been on-and-off writing for years (thank you to my hubby for helping me cross the finish line by Christmas!) 2) to enjoy the holidays with family (they feel so long ago already!) and 3) to give birth to my third child and first daughter! Life has been full of new adventures in the best of ways, and I’m continuing to navigate it with the help of many treasured family members, friends, and advisors. So let’s dive into 2025!
A big theme for me lately has been recognizing my vulnerabilities and being honest with myself and others when I need a helping hand. Whether our days are filled with mothering or meeting deadlines, life can get busy and demanding, and we simply can’t do it all!
Growing up, there was this little jingle that occasionally played in between the cartoons that my siblings and I enjoyed watching. It was incredibly simple — the main chorus was just a cheerful “Ask for help!” repeated to the catchy twang of fiddle and guitar. But it stuck. I remember my family often singing that refrain around the house. It was a fun reminder for us to seek assistance rather than get bogged down in what felt like a huge burden.
In homemaking and motherhood especially, I’ve found that the childhood lesson still rings true. As much as I’d love to be the supermom who can do everything I’d like done in a day perfectly and on time, this is rarely possible. Now, that doesn’t mean that I can lower all the standards with the excuse that “it’s just too much.” After all, kids still need to get to school and naps and bedtime, laundry still needs to get done, and dinner still needs to be ready on time. The question is not whether those essential things are getting done (as well as the secondary “would-love-to-get-done” list) but who is doing them and when. Cue the “Ask for help” song!
I’ve found that a good way to go about doing this is to take some quiet time to examine the day, week, general phase of life, or any other portion of time I want to review. Here are some questions to guide the thought process:
- Overall, how do I feel about my current routine? Am I feeling mostly calm and confident or stressed and overwhelmed?
- What needs to get done?
- What would I like to get done?
- What can be put off till a later date?
- What could I delegate to someone else?
- Who are some people I trust and could ask to help with certain tasks?
An honest answer to each of these questions could shed some light on areas that might need adjustment or an extra boost.
For me, the need for assistance becomes especially clear when prepping for a new baby and postpartum care. In those times, my physical and emotional limitations become very obvious. I know that I need extra time to rest, stretch, and prepare for a big life change. Thankfully, this is also when loved ones tend to offer help most often — the key is to accept that help! The questions above help me pinpoint exactly what would actually be helpful — such as a meal train, some babysitter time for my older children, or someone to vacuum the main floor.
Of course, this logic extends beyond intense times of change in life. Day-to-day, it’s important for me to recognize my needs and seek to meet them. This isn’t being selfish! If I overstretch myself, I’ll quickly burn out with exhaustion and frustration, and the whole family suffers. In order to be my best self for those around me, I need to make sure I get what I need.
This is where honesty is important! A daily bubble bath would be nice, but what I really need is a few minutes in the morning to freshen up for the day and a few minutes in the evening to wind down and get ready for bed at a reasonable hour. I also find that I need some quality time with friends regularly, so I make sure to schedule play dates with other moms I can chat with while the kids play. Another priority is regular quality time with my husband, so once a week we tag team to get the kids to bed early for an at-home date night or arrange babysitting for a night out. And sometimes I just need to use the phone-a-friend lifeline to vent about a struggle or seek advice.
When I can honestly tell family and friends where I need support, I am extra grateful for their contributions, and they are happy they’ve made a positive impact for me and my family. Most people love being helpful, and we all appreciate getting our to-do list completed. That’s why being honest with ourselves and others when we need a hand can deepen relationships. Sometimes we need to be vulnerable to strengthen a bond. Then, when our loved ones find themselves in need of help, they might be more likely to accept our help when we offer, and the cycle of generosity and care continues!
