“If music be the food of love, play on!” (Twelfth Night, 1.1) Shakespeare’s words may be referring to romantic love, but there’s no doubt that music can bring people together and strengthen bonds of friendship and family love as well. And since all of us want our homes to be places of warmth and love, music is a great gift and resource.
Of course, this topic leads to many questions. What kind of music? When to play it? And how? What if people have different tastes? To tackle these questions, I’ve compiled a few strategies that I’ve picked up from reading and experiences.
The soothing morning soundtrack
It’s easy for the morning to turn into a whirlwind of frantic tasks in order to get everyone out the door in time for school, work, or other activities. How can we calm things down? Besides trying to plan ahead and get up a bit earlier, some soft music is a simple way to establish a quiet mood.
Just as a movie soundtrack sets the mood of a scene, the music playing in the background of our activity can regulate our mood at home. Hearing soft piano or guitar tunes float through the kitchen helps me ease into the day rather than letting it splash me in the face like cold water. It lets me enjoy the talent of great artists and the beauty of a new day, and — best of all — it encourages everyone who walks into the room to match their tone of voice to the music. It’s much easier to speak softly amid a soothing piano melody than it is when the soundtrack consists of inquiries about lost shoes, questions about food, or “Baby Shark” on repeat.
The easiest way to make this strategy work is to wake up before others in the house (especially small children, if possible!) and establish that tone first thing. Even if it’s just a few minutes ahead of time, getting up first allows me to soak in the freshness of a new day and greet it calmly, first with some silence by myself and then with some soft music to welcome the others to the morning. Once everyone’s awake and ready to go, I can turn off the quiet music and dive into the day with fresh energy.
What to play: Any playlist that puts you and others at home in a relaxed mood is great. “Peaceful Piano” and “Chill Acoustic Instrumentals” on Spotify are among my favorites. But you can’t go wrong with the classics. There’s something about the order, intricacy, and beauty of the great classical composers that is particularly nourishing to the soul. On Spotify, you can listen your way through great collections of musical achievement, from Mozart’s sonatas to Chopin’s nocturnes to Bach’s cello suites.
Quiet time? Any time!
No need to restrict the quiet time soundtrack to the morning — any time of day you want to foster some communal calm — maybe after lunch, around nap time, or during dinner prep — go ahead and turn on that music. I especially like to have calming music playing in the background during family dinner. It’s like a hidden voice whispering to everyone walking into the dining room, “Welcome — let’s relax and enjoy each other’s company!” For an extra flavor of fun, I sometimes choose the music to match the kind of meal I’m serving — such as Spanish guitar with Hispanic food, or traditional Chinese music with stir fry.
I especially love these particular playlists because they list the pieces in order of composition, as if allowing me to listen to the composer’s musical mind unfold. Knowing I’m listening to something soothing and culturally significant enriches the morning even more.
Spontaneous concerts and sing-a-longs
Not everyone is able to play an instrument, but almost everyone can participate in something musical, whether it’s playing the piano or another instrument, singing to perform, singing along, or just tapping a beat. Regardless, everyone can enjoy great music, especially when it’s being performed and shared as a gift. Edith Schaeffer, author of The Hidden Art of Homemaking, encourages everyone to foster musical skill at home and to not be shy about sharing them, regardless of skill level:
“Even if musical talent is ‘just’ used within a family, someone is appreciating what is being produced, or is sharing in the enjoyment of producing something together. In the family, with small children; among friends, informally for one’s own expression as well as for other people’s appreciation; for relaxation; for just plain fun and sharing; for the experience of doing something creative together — music should be a part of the life of any family or other group of people who have any musical talent at all. Not only will the practice improve one’s playing, but creative ideas and imagination will be sparked off in others in a way which will be fulfilling and satisfying, even if it is not earth-shaking in its talent. In the process something else will happen — the freedom to express yourself in a medium that is yours will develop, and so will your personality.”
Edith Schaefer, “Music,” The Hidden Art of Homemaking
Some of my favorite memories growing up are of my family sitting around the dining room table after Sunday dinner, singing along to songs that one of the siblings would play on the piano. We enjoyed (and still do!) countless evenings singing Billy Joel or Bruce Springsteen ballads, Broadway hits, or new favorites. Sometimes one of us performs a classical song he or she has been practicing, or even an original song. (My older brother would do that a lot, and now he has his own music on Spotify!) And on Christmas, there’s always a caroling session before present time.
The point is not to impress but to bond. Schaefer writes, “There is a charm in making music together which not only stimulates interest and creativity, but which breaks through whining and fussing and clears the atmosphere. This can be said for adults as well as children!” Making music together is a great way to encourage those who practice an instrument, expose everyone to classic and enriching pieces, share our favorites, and above all, enjoy a good time with loved ones.
Sharing and discussing
You can learn a lot about someone by asking what his or her favorite kind of music is. Age, experiences, and personality all shape musical taste, and we can strengthen our relationships with others by understanding what they like to listen to and why.
My parents love ’80s music, which was the soundtrack of their college days when they met and first started dating. Listening to Cuban music by Guillermo Portables or Gloria Estefan while my mom and abuela cook have helped me learn about and love my heritage. My brother introduced us to Ben Rector’s music, which quickly became a favorite for my husband and me, leading up to the amazing birthday present of my first concert.
Sharing musical tastes can happen in a variety of ways — in the car (how my mom introduced my younger brother to the concept of listening to full albums start to finish), around the dining room table, as an after-dinner dance party, or even as a gift. (My friend and I used to mail each other CD’s with written descriptions of why we liked each song. I recently updated the practice by creating a personalized Spotify playlist for friends along with a card detailing each track.) Through these conversations, music becomes more than just melodies but memories. And that’s something we all want our homes to be full of!
