Five ideas to bring true comfort on vacation
And just like that, it’s August! This summer has flown by, full of energetic afternoons with two small boys and adventures (and a few misadventures!) on family vacations. For many of us, vacation time has come and gone, but it’s always worth taking some experience notes to see what went well and what can be improved for next year.
Whether it’s a weekend away at the shore or a weeklong adventure in another state or country, summer travels offer a welcome change of pace and scenery. At the same time, travels can sometimes involve stress or disappointments — especially if we’ve gone someplace new and unfamiliar. Although the occasional vacation disaster can turn into a great story (“Comedy = tragedy + time,” I’ve been told!), one way to get some true R&R while away is, ironically, to feel right at home.
Based on this and past year’s experiences, as well as conversations with friends and relatives, I’ve compiled some ideas to create the right balance between the getaway oasis and “welcome home.”
Why create “home away from home”?
The funny thing about vacation is that while we’re usually looking to get away from home for a time, our destination won’t satisfy if it doesn’t feel “homey.” Without little details of comfort and hospitality, even a fancy hotel can seem cold and indifferent. Why? As I try to express throughout this blog, the core meaning of “home” isn’t so much a place as an experience, in which everyone feels known and cared for.
1. Bring pieces of home.
Sometimes starting with the tangibles is a helpful first step. Besides the essentials, it doesn’t hurt to bring a few small touches to make any space feel like home. A blanket, a pillow, a cherished photo or piece of artwork, or even a favorite snack or treat, can bring just the right dose of familiar in a foreign setting. (This can be especially comforting for kids!)
This concept can also apply to at-home routines that we find calming or invigorating: a quiet morning cup of tea, a daily walk or run, an afternoon nap or quiet reading time. These small touches from home can help us feel grounded even while we’re enjoying a general change of pace.
Switching things up
As an alternate approach, try switching out a home routine with something new — tea instead of coffee, biking instead of running, ice cream on a weeknight instead of just on weekends! Like shifting seasons, temporarily changing things up while away can help us appreciate the familiar habit in a new way upon returning home.
2. Make a flexible schedule.
We’re used to busy days and packed schedules, and vacation offers a respite from all that. However, completely removing the schedule from our days can leave us feeling disoriented and empty, as if we’ve wasted the day away. Sleeping in for half the day and wandering around snacking for the other half might sound appealing at first, but it often leaves us feeling more restless than rested (and with small children, such a plan is rarely an option anyway!).
This doesn’t mean that we should plan every minute for every day, even with small children. (Having some unstructured play and rest time is essential for everyone!) Nor does it mean that the plan can never change. Rather, the point is that each day begins with some plan.
Even if we only schedule meal times and leave the rest to time at the beach, that’s an organized day! It’s also helpful to plan ahead of time certain activities everyone wants to do, such as a trip to an amusement park or dinner out.
Both my mom and mom-in-law like posting the plan of the day in a common area, such as a printed calendar on the fridge or whiteboard in the living room. That way, they avoid repeated questions about what the plan is for the day and what’s for dinner!
3. Keep basic order.
Although vacation is a time to rest, we all know that some chores remain, such as laundry and meal planning. Without some basic order, our vacation might fall prey to chaos and crankiness — definitely things we don’t want at home or elsewhere!
This year, to kick off a family vacation at the beach, my mom-in-law gave everyone a pep talk she dubbed “vacation orientation.” It involved setting an overall tone for the week, going over the rotation of clean-up crews, and giving practical guidelines and tips.
She reminded us that the goal of vacation is to rest and grow together as a family, and keeping the beach house tidy is one means of achieving that. We need not aim for perfect spick and span (especially when there’s sand around!). But when we each contribute in a small way, even by simply picking up after ourselves, we show consideration for the other people sharing the house and promote a sense of tranquility (as opposed to the stress from a mess!). And the more peaceful the environment, the more it will feel like a true home.
4. Encourage togetherness.
In this article from the Messy Family Project, seasoned parents Mike and Alicia Hernon note that vacation is a time to tend to your particular family’s needs at a given time. As a result, it makes sense to remove distractions and encourage everyone to participate in activities with each other, rather than just alongside each other. There is a time and place for reading our own books on the beach, but just as valuable is time spent chatting on a walk, having a family game night, or watching a classic movie all together. These activities create memories and make for a more fruitful family vacation.
Family fun or forced fun?
When it comes to activities together, feel free to try something new and different, but also keep in mind what the group naturally gravitates towards. A family that’s only ever sat on the beach probably isn’t ready for a ten-mile hike, but perhaps a mile-long nature walk would be neat to try. Finding that balance between natural and new helps make the bonding activity organic and authentic rather than “forced fun.”
Another way to approach family bonding time is to start building a habit you’d like to bring home, such as having family dinner together or listening to an audio book while in the car. In the simpler setting of vacation, it might be easier to accomplish valuable traditions like this, and then we come back home appreciating them more and committed to continuing them.
5. Adjust expectations.
At the end of the day, we can’t create the perfect vacation through sheer willpower, so having an open mind and positive outlook is one of the most powerful tools to ensure a good time. As my mom likes to say, “Expectations are everything!” Or, as I’ve learned from a friend, “Unrealistic expectations are future resentments.” The more weight we put on things going our way, the more likely we are to be disappointed.
Another friend once told me that the best way she can enjoy a family sightseeing trip is to approach it more like a field trip than a conventional vacation. That way, she goes into it expecting to be active, keeping track of children, and exhausted at the end of the day. Similarly, my husband recently noted that rather than resisting the beach experience with small children and wishing for more down time, embracing the circumstances (i.e., furiously building sand castles and not quietly reading) actually makes it more fun overall.
I don’t believe parents must resign themselves to totally exhausting trips with children. Everyone needs a break, but sometimes that means we have to make a specific plan and ask for specific help to make that happen. For example, if my husband and I want to take some time for a one-on-one walk on the beach, we need to be proactive about picking a time and making sure another family member is available to play with the boys for a certain period of time.
With the right mindset and the right plan, we can make our expectations reasonable and count on a good time!
