Four little ways to make the celebration special
This month, my older son turned three. I can’t believe how quickly time has flown! In a flash, he’s transformed from a squirmy pink baby of 6 pounds, 11 ounces to a vivacious toddler with a sparkling imagination. Because this birthday was the first he could understand and enjoy for himself, I was extra conscious about making the day special and fun for him and our family members coming to celebrate. That got me thinking about the lessons I’ve learned from many family and friends’ birthdays about what little details make a difference. I’m convinced that it’s not necessary to break the bank to make a birthday special — just a little planning, teamwork, and love.
Go the extra mile in one thing
As someone who loves to celebrate, I sometimes find it difficult to whittle down my dreams for the perfect party. I envision a special home-cooked dinner, cake baked from scratch, dazzling party decor…
But at the end of the day, what I really care about is spending time with and celebrating people I love, and that doesn’t require extravagance in every department. In fact, going for “extra special” in everything can lead to stress and frustration — the exact opposite of the ideal celebration! I’ve found it helpful to prioritize one detail that I’d like to spend extra time and effort on. For my son this year, it was his cake. Using this handy recipe from Food Network magazine (with some flavor changes), I made a homemade ice cream cake that was fun to assemble and a hit for the whole family!
Other options to dress up could be the meal (maybe homemade pizza or Julia Child is calling your name!), a fancy table setting, creative party games, or all-out party decor. Once you’ve picked the lane where you’ll go the extra mile, think about how to simplify other aspects of the party planning. Especially if you’re expecting a crowd, it’s a good idea to outsource at least one major thing (such as the food, entertainment, or location). And outsourcing doesn’t have to be expensive. You can have a potluck or order fast food, or ask siblings and their friends to run party games for younger children. On that note, it’s always a good idea to…
Get others involved
A birthday in the family is an opportunity to celebrate an individual person, but it’s also a chance to encourage the others in the family to get outside of themselves, appreciate each other, and discover the joy of serving one another.
This does not mean we make everyone slaves of the birthday king or queen for the day! The happiest birthdays I’ve seen have parents, siblings, and friends making little efforts here and there because they find it fun and fulfilling. A little compliment here, a homemade card or gift there, a hand at hanging balloons, a special performance…a little goes a long way.
Spreading that spirit of giving often requires 1) leading by example and 2) praising kind gestures when we see them. I really believe that little by little, over time, we can create a family culture of loving service and cheerful giving. After all, as I’ve learned from planning my son’s birthday, there’s often more joy in giving than in receiving.
Offer one “special pick”
As an insightful picture book once observed, there really is such a thing as “too much birthday.” The more we hype up the day as the heavenly day of perfect bliss, the more likely we are to get at best disappointment and at worst a tantrum.
A birthday should be a day to express love and affection for a particular person, reminding him or her that they have unique beauty and profound dignity. At the same time, celebrating that uniqueness and dignity should involve bringing out their best — not inflating the ego and allowing a “tyrant for a day” to put down others. Celebrating the gift of that person without fostering selfishness, pickiness, or bossiness is a tricky but important balance to strike.
One simple approach to this challenge, I’ve found, is to set reasonable expectations from the start. For my toddler, I explained to him just what would happen that day, which included some special but also some ordinary things. We still had errands to run in the morning, but that didn’t take away from his family party in the afternoon. However much he might have wished it otherwise, he still had to come when I called him, say please and thank you, and face our normal consequences if he misbehaved. In other words, his birthday was not a “free pass” for poor behavior. (If it were, what would I be teaching him about why we go for good behavior? That would make it seem arbitrary.)
Growing up, both my family and my husband’s family established the tradition of letting the birthday person choose the dinner of the day. This was a simple way to help that person feel special without making the entire day a free-for-all. Of course, other things throughout the day would involve celebrating, but there wasn’t an expectation that the birthday king or queen could dictate every waking moment of the rest of the family’s day.
If choosing the meal isn’t a reasonable option in your family, consider other details that could become the “special pick”: an afternoon activity or outing, a family movie night or game after dinner, or a time to invite friends over.
Embrace a birthday tradition
Nothing brings a family together and makes memories quite like traditions. They don’t have to be fancy (in fact, several of them in my family are downright silly), but the more they fit a family’s personality, the better they’ll stick.
Birthdays are a prime time to create and cultivate traditions, especially if the children are still young. My husband and I have already adopted several from our own parents, and we’ll continue to explore which of our own will spring up over time.
One of my favorite birthday traditions is to spend time during cake and ice cream “going around the table” and having each person share a favorite quality or memory about the birthday person. It’s great because it gives everyone, youngest to oldest, a moment in the “spotlight,” and it often leads to many laughs (and sometimes heartfelt tears!).
Some friends of ours created a family tradition to deal with the awkwardness the birthday person o sometimes feels during the “Happy Birthday” song. (What do you do? Sing along? Smile and wave?) Instead, they all sing the theme song from “Phineas and Ferb.” It’s silly, it’s fun, and it’s their own thing, so they love it!
Other small traditions include having each family member create a homemade birthday card, having a sibling role play “Santa” to deliver each birthday present, and (my sister’s genius initiative) to give three cheers for the birthday person when all is said and done.
Here’s to Happy Birthdays for all!
