Putting the To-Do List to bed
One common frustration with homemaking is the sense that the work is never done. As the old adage goes, “Man may work from sun to sun, but woman’s [the homemaker’s] work is never done!” The endless cycles of laundry, the continual need to meal plan and prep, the regularly dirtied floor…How can anyone keep up?
Looking at the work of the home in this way can get exhausting. If we see our work as an effort toward some ideal, perfect state of tranquility and permanence, we’ll always be disappointed. That ideal is out of reach because it is unrealistic. Our homes are not sculptures that we work at, complete, and then stand back to admire. They are living, evolving realities because they exist to care for people, who are also constantly growing and changing.
To tackle this challenge, a simple shift in mindset can go a long way. For me, Dia Boyle’s recent book The Thoughtful Home has been a revelation. Boyle’s short treatise on homemaking (I finished it in just a few days) articulates a kind of mission statement for the homemaker. She brings together big picture ideas as well as practical suggestions that have helped me as a homemaker feel essential, motivated, and empowered.
Among her many insights (which can only be fully appreciated by reading the whole book), one that struck me tackles this particular dilemma of the “endless to-do list.” Her logic is simple: If homemaking is a true profession, then like any other profession, it needs boundaries.
Everyone wants a work-life balance. Achieving this for the homemaker might be less intuitive because we don’t “come home” from work — we are already home! Still, it’s just as important for the homemaker (as it is for the lawyer, the consultant, the teacher, or any other professional) to distinguish between times of work and times of rest. And making that distinction means having a time to start and stop working.
Here is how Boyle clinches the idea:
Distinguishing her work from her family life will help her [the homemaker] to define her workday. A professional workday should have a beginning and an end. Perhaps she considers her workday to begin when she throws the first load of laundry into the washer while the coffee brews, or when she starts preparing breakfast for the family. Perhaps it ends when she finishes the dinner dishes, or even earlier once her children are trained to handle this job. Perhaps her circumstances demand that she put in another two hours of work after dinner but allow for an extended break during afternoon nap time. The homemaker will be much happier in her work if her workday doesn’t begin the moment she gets out of bed and ends only when she collapses into bed at night.
As Boyle often does in this book, she leaves it up to each individual homemaker to decide what this workday will look like for each particular home. This requires an honest look at our circumstances, abilities, priorities, and goals. It’s not always easy. But I can say that in my experience, defining my workday has helped me tremendously. If I know that work ends when dinner is cleared and the kids are going up for a bath, then I can block off the time afterwards for rest. I can plan to read a book, catch up with my husband, or watch a show. I also find myself making better use of my time during the workday, so that I don’t procrastinate folding laundry until late at night!
Of course, this is a mindset and a goal. There are busy seasons of life, and sometimes we have to work “overtime.” But like anyone who works around the clock, we’ll get burned out if we don’t have a start and stop time, at least in principle.
A key step toward achieving this is assigning certain tasks to certain days and times. The bathrooms, basement, and play room might all be messy, but it’s a less overwhelming reality when I know that tomorrow is bathroom day, Friday is basement day, and everyone must help pick up the toys before we get ready for bed. Not everything has to be spotlessly clean all the time. For our home, it’s enough to keep a space “tidy enough” until its own scheduled time for attention. (For more ideas on scheduling household tasks, see my post here).
Dia Boyle is not alone in her line of thinking here. Our veteran homemaker Cheryl Mendelson addresses the same thing in the beginning of Home Comforts. I also find her words encouraging:
Yes, you can always think of something else that could be done, and yes, you will do more tomorrow, but in fact there really is an end to what your routine calls for this day or week or year. You, however, are the one who sets limits. Beginners should recognize the importance of setting plausible and explicit goals in housekeeping so that they know when they are done.
Happy homemaking!
Further Reading
“The Work of Making a Thoughtful Home,” Dia Boyle (The Thoughtful Home)
“Easing Into a Routine,” Cheryl Mendelson (Home Comforts)
